Michelle Duggar’s Marriage Advice for Newlyweds

by | Oct 8, 2015 | 45 comments

Question from a “19 Kids and Counting” fan: What advice will you give Jill as a newlywed wife to keep in mind throughout her marriage?

1. Be available

First, I’m going to pass on the advice that was given to me by a dear friend Gala. Whenever I speak with groups of other moms and married women, I always share this advice. It’s been the best advice that was ever given to me in regard to my relationship to my husband Jim Bob.

Gala had only been married for three years, but she had very wise advice. I was about six months out from getting married, and was just all bleary eyed and in love. I couldn’t wait to be married and be called “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.” That was the dream of my life.

She told me: “Michelle, I know you’re so excited. You’re a bride-to-be, but some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married three years and I’m still happily married. I have one child, we’re expecting our second and I’m big pregnant. You’ve got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.”

“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”

I’ve realized the sweetness of that through the years. While I am always joyfully available for him, in turn, he’ll lay down his life in any way. He will sit there and listen to everything I need to tell him because he knows that I’m there for him, too. I’m meeting his needs, he’s meeting my needs. We’re willing to be there for each other. And each one of us has different needs in a marriage relationship and that’s what’s so precious. I’ll share this advice with Jill so she knows that she’s got to be a wife first and then later, Lord willing, she’ll be a mother. Her responsibility before God and Derick needs to come first. It’s not just me and the Lord; it’s me and the Lord and my husband.

2. Talk about disagreements privately

Another piece of advice, I’ll tell Jill – don’t ever talk about things in front of your children that are supposed to be between you and your husband only. Step aside and say we’re going to talk about this privately. And don’t ever put your husband down in front of your children or other people, especially your families. Talk privately. We always say in our family, we praise publicly, but we correct privately. And that’s marriage advice that I would give to anyone.

3. Get marriage advice when you need it

There are going to be those times in your marriage where you might not always agree; you might not see things eye to eye and sometimes you may need a trusted third party to be a counsel for you in your marriage. Feel free to go to that trusted wise counsel that you both respect and get counsel when you need it. We have all been there. Yes, we have a oneness with spirit in Christ, but there are times that we need others to give us life counsel. So be willing to go seek it together.

It’s important to note that you can get marriage counseling in a lot of different ways. Your friends are very quick to offer advice, but it might not always be the wise advice you need to hear. Another option is to listen to to messages from scriptural teachers together. Through the years as we have gone to marriage retreats, Jim Bob and I have tried to take time out as a couple to listen to messages from other couples that have either learned from their mistakes or from others with the Christian perspective that we share. Even if you can’t afford to get away for the weekend, that’s fine. In our early days, we’d often plan a romantic dinner and listen to readings together and have grandma babysit. It would strengthen our relationship.

Jim Bob and I say we have the best love life ever because we’re so experienced now, but we are also still learning about each other and it’s just great. I’ve gone back and reread some books that were helpful to me and I’m writing out notes to share with Jill. I’ll be giving her a little bridal package that has lots of things that she’ll need for the honeymoon. Jill is very understanding of a lot of things because she’s a midwife and she’s helped a lot of mothers. But there are still a lot of things that I want to share with her before her wedding night. For me, it’s a whole different perspective because I’m sharing this information with my daughter.

And even fellows need a lot of help! These guys need to know they can’t go into this thinking they’re all macho. They need to get their knowledge from the right perspective to go into things with the right ideas.

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45 Comments

  1. Camilia Brown

    Great advice. My husband and I are older newlyweds so to speak. So what you shared is a great reminder and re-enhances what we’ve learned from loved ones and from the bible. Thank you! Camilia B.

    Reply
  2. Lucy Adams

    This is such great advice, advice that after 23 years of marriage and lots of bumps in the road we both try to follow and that we hope to pass on to our girls.

    Reply
  3. Liberty Ocasio

    I really wish I had gotten advice like this when I was growing up. Late is better then never. I look forward to passing these gems to my sons, so they can become good husbands and fathers. Thank you much.

    Reply
  4. yolanda

    hello this are great advice my husband and i will have 4 year married in april we have 2 kids (3 and 11 month )and its been reallydificult kids are small iam stay at home mom and like you say we go to bad tired and just fall sleep…by the end of last year he tould me i want a wife not a roommate and i dint realize how bad our relationship was entil february 12 he tould me (we need to work on our marriage or a divorse ) that turn everything around..and my friend of 9 years friendship gave me the advice that man needs their women and if we are there for them in bed we the women will have a husband that will bring the starts if we ask him too…idk if i used the right words but i hope u understand…now i read this advices from you wow!! everything its more clear..i will be a better wife for him for our future for our little famili…i love my husband in up or dow thankz

    Reply
  5. Deborah Bills

    No one can have any greater love than to lay down their life for another. You have beautifully reminded me of that truth. This month, my husband and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. I am renewing my pledge to be joyfully available for him. Thank you for taking time to write this excellent post. God bless your family’s ministry!

    Reply
  6. Kelly Webb

    Just really appreciate these plain truths, remind me of Titus 2, as you are sharing your thoughts, heart and advice to your own precious daughter, many of us younger wives are listening and taking note. My husband and I will be married 19 yrs this July, and the Lord is showing me more and more, that my respect towards Him is directly intertwined with the respect I hold in my heart and outwardly give towards my husband. I am so challenged by the ‘mystery’ spoken of in Eph. 5. I am having the joy and privilege to be able to sit with my 13 and 15 yr old daughters and teach them about preparing to be a helpmeet now, and sharing my mistakes, and what the Lord is continually teaching me. Thank you for your very open display of a Christian Home, for so many of us in America to see.

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  7. Jim-Boob Duggar

    Maybe Michelle would like to share this advice with her SONS. Your wife who is exhausted / pregnant, etc. because she has been lovingly caring for YOUR children, is the only person who can bring those gifts into the world for you. Boys, when your woman is too tired for your needs, look to HER needs and your children’s needs and help her out. Lovingly, let her go to sleep and then awaken to a wonderful meal and a clean house. If you need your itch scratched that badly, scratch it yourself or think about something other than yourself. Men, don’t let yourself become selfish animals, focusing your physical preoccupation on a woman who can barely keep her eyes open! Sex while in the throes of morning sickness … uh, abusive.

    Reply
  8. Jamie Roberta Smith

    Maybe Michelle would like to share this advice with her SONS. Your wife who is exhausted / pregnant, etc. because she has been lovingly caring for YOUR children, is the only person who can bring those gifts into the world for you. Boys, when your woman is too tired for your needs, look to HER needs and your children’s needs and help her out. Lovingly, let her go to sleep and then awaken to a wonderful meal and a clean house. If you need your itch scratched that badly, scratch it yourself or think about something other than yourself. Men, don’t let yourself become selfish animals, focusing your physical preoccupation on a woman who can barely keep her eyes open! Sex while in the throes of morning sickness … uh, abusive.

    Reply
  9. Carley Holland

    We are not a “newlyweds” actually we have been together 10 years! The advice you gave will stick with me for the rest of life. Being available to my husband is something I need to practice more of!

    Reply
  10. Marie

    I think this is very good, practical and sound advice. However, I have a question. Is there an average amount of time an abstinent couple courts before marriage or is this based on each individual couple? Thank you

    Reply
  11. Ivon Mourik

    Dear Michelle, It is a beautiful thought to be “available’ for your husband. Off course intimacy is a huge part of a marriage. Though, hearing you say that no matter how tired and exhausted you are, you should give yourself tot your husband at night in stead of falling asleep, worries me. Because, what matters to me more than having intercourse is falling a sleep in each others arms, without having tot talk. Just to feel that you are safe in each others arms and that you will watch over one another. It is the best feeling ever to know that your loving husband is lying next to you and gives you the time you need to recover from a hard day working with and caring for all of your children. That to me is the definition of love and intimacy to a tee! You are the second best mom in the world (off course my mom comes first!) Love, Ivon from Holland

    Reply
  12. Shari Sanders-Maher

    I Have been Married twice: Losing both 2 illnesses. I Had the honor of finding my best friend in 1982. From the get go things weren’t easy. 1. So we regrouped ,First having open discussions on solutions. Its very import for each to have a voice be heard and other listen. Then reverse and let the other express there concerns and resolve. (We called it bringing it to the table.) Doing it this way nothing is left un said and doesn’t fester and boil over saying things you don’t mean.) Its important as your family grows to pick a moment when other things may cut this very import discussion short. Never ever have them around the children they don’t need to be concern about adult matters. 2. Advice from other is well meaning , take with grace, but you as a couple are building your values you will carry over raising your kids. What works for another couple may not work for you. In your private discussions it’s ok to bring up what advice you got but make a list of valued points you can uses to build your family values. But never use against your spouse where you feel there lacking. Well, meaning advice sometimes can cause a divided. This is why I stress take from it what you both value or if you don’t agree with advice let it go. 3. Never ever no matter how stressful your day is lay it on your spouse when they just come home from work. Find a quite time to say honey I really had a stressful day can we take a moment to see how we can make it less stressful so future days are better. You’re going to have bumps in the road many. We had one just 3 months after marriage. MY husband lost his job and I was now pregnant. We had health issues, Well meaning parents attempting to control our home. I don’t mean the advice they sweetly give I mean the You will, and be here and you will clean my yard. We love our parents and they mean well and some advice is good but demands are not healthy relationships. If this happens , personally take about it and how you want your relationship on track with them. We all need our parents but a good relationship not a negative one. 4. Recognizes when your spouse needs your help, never ask what you can do its a given. There is balance. NO one has a harder day then the other, your days were just harder in different ways. We lean if we both balanced out things we got to time for each other and family sooner. It maybe I start dinner and he got the kids on homework. Or I started the dish water while he cleared the table. As the kids get older they start with small jobs and work up more to regular responsibilities. 5. If you havent talked about family values and how you want to raise your kids. Re assess whats working and whats not. Parents need to be united on discipline and how its handled. We believed when a child after being handed a consequence before challenging the other parent rulings. We leaner to ask the child why they got the consquice and ask do you think it was a fair consiquice for the behavior and back the other parent up. Staying united sends message to kids hey im not getting out of it. Helps them make better choices. Less back lash and staying united keeps balance. 6. Gifts should never be expected or demanded from the other mate. I found my fondest memories from my husband was the simple yellow rose he tucked in his jacket and a lean in as he handed it to me saying just because I love you. 7. You do need date nights pencil them in and keep them. But date nights can cost very little ,be creative and romantic. Those moment mean more then anything. I know I till this day hold them deep in my heart and bring them out when I want to remember the love I wants had. I can go on and On, All I know in the end truly the key to a great marriage is communication, staying united and plans for when things are just right. Never ever let things boil over set that time to discuss things that you feel are popping up and concerning you. Have fun bring it to the table it s all for long lasting love.

    Reply
  13. rachel baker foreman

    I have to agree with Ivon and Jamie that although always being available for your husband sounds lovely, there are days that I am just too exhausted from working, (yes, not every woman can stay home from working) caring for my mom, taking care of our home, and health issues of my own to be ready for a romp in the hay, and there are times he is too tired as well because we prefer our quality time to be more than wham, bam, thank you ma’am. He cares that my needs are met too, not just his. I’ve found that just making sure his needs are met leads to resentment….a soothing back rub for both of us while we talk ensures some intimacy and some tenderness when you truly need it and while it won’t lead to full on romance sows the seeds for maybe the next day or when you are both feeling that feeling. you don’t need 20 children to prove you love each other. with my attention deficit disorder, i should not be a mother to 20 children.

    Reply
  14. Galicia Callaghan

    I love that this advice can all boil down to “Don’t be selfish” Selfish doesn’t work in marriage or indeed in any family relationship. Of course Michelle is speaking from the perspective of the woman and discussing what we can do to add to the marital well being, but I’m sure that even as women are to make themselves available MEN are to care enough about their wives to NOT be selfish and demand an exhausted or worried woman “perform” on demand. He will care for his wife and be aware of what is going on with her (or he will try to be) and he may just decide to put her needs ahead of his at that point as she must be willing, to put his ahead of hers. It seems to be about caring enough for your spouse to be willing to attempt to put them before yourself, which is really the only successful way to live, long term, with another human being in a healthy way. It’s not about sex slavery, wage slavery or female slavery. It’s about both partners being willing to forego their own convenience or natural inclinations from time to time for the well being of one another. Don’t be selfish is always good advice.

    Reply
  15. Ashley M

    That is Great advice, and we all need to keep a copy of that in our house written somewhere for reminders! It is so easy to want to sit down at the end of the day after taking care of the kids all day, and to just go to sleep always sounds so wonderful. If our husbands want to talk and spend time with us as wives I was also given once great advice, and it is not advice the world would give us, but our husbands come before our kids. As hard as that is, it is great advice someone once gave me, and I fall short of that so many times. I have to pray and ask for guidance all the time. What advice do you have for someone in a marriage, both attend church, pray, read bibles, but the husband has anger/rage problems. I know this might not be a situation you have been in, but perhaps you have some advice on what to do with this. Divorce is not an option although I get told that by numerous people, even a few “sisters in christ” have given me this counsel which is another topic. God hates divorce, so what advice/ biblical advice or regular would you have?

    Reply
  16. Sam Jennifer

    Am Sam Jennifer from Ireland,I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR.ALABI he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back oneâs gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I âm now happy %26 a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 2 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster called Dr ALABI, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 5 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better.contact him at;{[email protected]},or call +2347067607073.

    Reply
  17. Sarah Dray

    Talk about disagreements quietly? I’m gonna have a little issue with that haha. I take after my Dad too much in the screaming/over reacting department haha. Thanks for the advice lol. I’ll try to remember this when I have a disagreement

    Reply
  18. Carla Chaney

    This is very sound advice! I’m glad I read it! I’m getting married in 3 months and while I’m excited for it, I’m also very nervous. This is the first marriage for both of us, the first relationship for him, and the first real serious relationship for me. I have dated in the past and they left me with a lot of issues toward men. After 10 years, I was finally able to give them all up to God for good. About a month later we started reconnecting and I realized that he is exactly who I was praying for. I prayed all through the time we were just talking, and even when we started the relationship. So God has been guiding us from day 1. So I know that He will continue guiding us in our marriage. I’m just nervous about living together for the first time and all that that brings. haha

    Reply
  19. james david harris

    That is Great Biblical advice just too bad not many do the work to accomplish that kind of love.

    Reply
  20. Stephanie Lofton

    I was wondering if they come back and look at comments, I’d love to know what teachings the Michelle and Jim Bob listen to. My husband and I are in a season similar to the one she mentioned and I’d love some good teachings to listen to.

    Reply
  21. Cindy McFarlane

    Great advice!! Will you be coming to the great northwest ever? I live in WA state and have five daughters that love watching your shows just as much as I do

    Reply
  22. Faith

    The most important ingredient is a marriage is to adhere to the instruction book of the Creator. I can’t recommend highly enough the following by Shalom Arush: Garden of Peace (marriage book for men), Woman’s Wisdom (marriage book for woman), & The Universal Garden of Emuna (for everybody). Save you marriage, save your life! (Just google the author and titles.)

    Reply
  23. Jessica nunyabuziness

    I agree with Joanie i think people can be angry and disgusted at the Duggar family’s attempt to whitewash this whole incident without being a “hater”. The duggar family could spend some actual time and effort to help other families going through he same thing instead of ..pretty much begging strangers for $$ to send whoever on missionaries and baby shower gifts, etc. THATS wrong in my book. 🙁

    Reply
  24. Mrs. Corle

    This is really great advice Michelle. I’ve been married for 3 years on the 17th of November and your top advice about intimacy, I never thought of it put that way. All of your advice was really good but that one stood out for me. Thank you for sharing! I love your family and your firmness in God and faith! I think you need to write another book. I would love to raise my future children in the way you and Jim Bob have.

    Reply
  25. fiverr crorkservice

    TK26yd Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one! It as on a totally different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Superb choice of colors!

    Reply
  26. Krista

    I understand everyone has there opinion, and I was quite curious to see what this blog has to say, and this one actually got me quite interested, because it’s not me god and my husband, it’s always God before all things even above your husband. And if your tired and if your husband loves you and cares how your feeling he won’t pressure you because love isn’t force, and everything isn’t always on the women the men need to make there women feel loved and cared for, because women and men have different needs, but it’s definitely not force when you don’t want to do something that you don’t want to do.

    Reply
  27. Danielle Mercy

    I know you may delete this, but I hope you atleast see it. I feel like this article is HIGHLY inappropriate considering the events that have happened in ya’lls lives recently, regarding your son and daughter-in-law. And I’m not either one of the people, and I’m highly offended for them. How would you answer to what a man would do if he was out on his own, with no wife yet – who is to blame for his sins? By the Bible, our sins are OUR OWN, God ALWAYS makes a way for escape for temptations, this is BIBLE Michelle. Please do not have a cult-mindset and turn away from GOD’S own truth and promises in His Word. Do what is right, and do not be a stumbling block to this nation, under God’s banner. To be born-again doesn’t mean our life will be perfect, and we need to create this image that we don’t sin – how is anyone going to come to Christ is all we put on is a facade and blame others for our sins? We are saved by GRACE alone. A woman should not bear the sins of a sexual predator – how could you ever hold someone to that standard When you know that person would have done even worse were they not married. Please have a heart. Don’t excuse your sons sins, this will only make things worse! And don’t throw stones at you’re poor daughter-in-law, who has been through ENOUGH, and examine your own self — do you feel like you’re intentions are pure, or do you know exactly what you’re trying to do and say and portray at all times? This is your own examination that you need to do. And the next step is acting on your findings. I will be praying for you.

    Reply
  28. Anna king

    Michelle Duggar, WOW!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? It’s a man’s obligation to honor his wife not make demands for intimacy! It’s NOT a woman’s fault if a man cheats on her!!! Also, this is the order things NEED to be! 1. Honor God. 2. RAISE THE CHILDREN, NOT HAVE THE OLDER CHILDREN RAISE THE YOUNG ONE’S!!! Then, 3. Make sure that you can spend an equal amount of time to EVERY child you have!!! 4. The man comes last!!! It’s very irresponsible to have more kids than there are waking hours because they don’t get the attention they DESERVE from their parents! Your son is an example of that type of neglect! He’s been so exposed to your sex life that it’s affected him and caused him to act out sexually! I feel sorry for all of the children of people like you that are so self absorbed into making babies that the kids have to raise themselves! YOU NEED THERAPY!!!

    Reply
  29. Corinna Williams

    Michelle, I try not to judge things; but, I’ve been I huge fan of your family . . . and now I feel I have to say something. Obvious, you wrote this “advice you would give to Jill – before her wedding”…I’m not so sure of the wisdom to “re-post it” in light of your families’ situation. I can see how this might hurt your beloved daughter-in-law; but, also the so many other women who try to do everything they can to keep their husbands interest; yet, still their husband had sin within their hearts. Please be careful, to many women blame themselves for their husbands short comings, this is why there are so many women still living in abusive relationships—good, and well- meaning Christians saying “joyful give of yourself all the time” – that way your husband won’t. . . (Cheat, lie, steal, hit, gamble, drink). Sin is Sin . . . Man still has a choice to make; sometimes it’s the wrong choice. While the scripture says “women submit . .. it is often forgotten “husbands love your wives as their own body”. If husbands truly loved their wives like they love themselves, don’t you think . . . Men would recognized when his wife was tired, 8 months pregnant; and make sure he wouldn’t want to make his wife “fake being happy” to satisfy his needs? If more husbands were taught to “love as Christ” I think more women would have no issues freely, “joyfully” giving of themselves.

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  30. Kristin Cortez

    My husband and I, who have been married for eight years, have a mutual understanding and respect for the intimate needs of each other. It can’t be a one-way street. We make ourselves available to each other for our private time together, whether it be to pray, to talk about what’s on our minds & in our hearts, or to share physical intimacy (including the hope in our hearts of procreation), as husband and wife with one another. Part of our mutual respect for one another includes not only recognizing and joyfully being available for each other’s needs for physical intimacy, but also respecting each other when circumstances don’t always allow us to share physical intimacy. We have both experienced moderate to severe illnesses during our marriage, including his struggle with Diabetes and several medical conditions on my end, many of which have required major surgery. Obviously, our well-being, both physically and emotionally, has to take priority. During times when either of us is in the hospital or when in recovery from serious illness or surgical procedures, physical intimacy can be detrimental to recovery; it is often also against doctors’ orders. For instance, during my high-risk pregnancy (which devastatingly ended in miscarriage), I was advised by my OB/GYN to stay on bed rest and avoid physical intimacy. In all of these situations, mutual respect for one another’s health and well being took priority. During these times, we rely on our emotional intimacy to bring us closer together. Yes, while anyone could do my husband’s laundry or make his dinner, I was and am the only one with whom he could open his whole heart and share his deepest feelings. That is a different type of intimacy to which I make myself fully and joyfully available to him, even when I cannot do so physically. And as a loving husband, he respects the needs of my physical health and in the manner of mutual respect that I previously mentioned, he will patiently wait until I have the doctor’s clearance for us to resume physical intimacy. So we do make ourselves as available as possible to each other to meet one another’s needs for physical intimacy, and we have mutual respect for whatever type of intimacy we are able to share as husband and wife. Whether it be physically or emotionally, we do make ourselves available to share with one another what only we can share as husband and wife. That is where mutual respect between a husband and a wife and their needs for intimacy is key. For important as it is for women to be there for their husbands & respect their needs, it is just as important for men to be there & respect the needs of their wives. Thank you for taking the time to read and consider this. God bless you! Your sister in Christ, Kristin.

    Reply
  31. Jess P

    Hi Michelle, I have always loved watching your show (all the way from Australia). I don’t even know if u read these comments or not, but oh well. I was raised as a pastors kid/missionary kid in a very ‘fundie’ family although not as conservative as yours I ‘get’ your lives more than most, which is why I felt the need to comment on this post. I have been married almost 7 years and have three young children so when I read this I immediately felt very hurt for Anna and can’t help but think your timing at posting this is extremely purposeful and inconsiderate. Anna I hope you read this and know that what your husband did to you and your family is in no way your fault. I’m really not sure why fundies are so sex obsessed, it filters into every aspect of your lives. yes it’s important in marriage but a) men really aren’t animals that cant control themselves b) women don’t cause men to sin they make that decision themselves. Women arent just there for their husbands pleasure we have so much to offer. I’m so glad my husband respects me as a wife, mother, friend, decision maker and career woman and is truely my equal – certainly makes me want to ‘be there’ for him all the more!

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  32. marie

    Let us not forget that scripture also reminds us that we are to think of our spouses before ourselves. We were given to him as a help mate not a sex slave. Husbands are suppose to have self control and while we are suppose to make ourselves ava. for EACH other we are to be in agreement on how and when to fulfill EACH others sexual needs. Society has taken the scriptures out of context on what the Bible says about sex WITHIN the marriage. Just because God has made men with a STRONG longing for sex does not give him the license to get sex wherever he feels. It also doesn’t mean his wife is his sex slave. A man who puts his own sexual fulfillment in front of his wife’s needs is being outright selfish and not following what God has instructed of him. It is a mutual agreement and if the man is doing as scripture instructs him would be putting the wife first and his needs last. This kind of behavior falls back on God as the bad guy when God is clearly not. The man who gives into his lust is the one at fault … not God, his wife or his parents. God gave us a free will to make our own choices, be it good or bad. That is what free will is; the freedom to freely choose whether you will follow Christ and His commands or sin … it’s not rocket science … I don’t agree with what Josh did but lets be fair and put the blame right where the blame belongs … on the person who sinned against his Heavenly Father, wife and family. None believers do this everyday and no one makes a huge fuss but the minute a Christian does it he’s a monster. I don’t in anyway condone what Josh has done and he will answer to Christ for his actions. It’s just wrong to say Anna had anything to do with Josh’s cheating. Leave the poor woman alone and let her heal from the betrayal, broken trust and shame she and the whole family now have to bear. I pray that this whole sad event would open the eyes to how we all so desperately need Christ. This is not how Christ design things this is man choosing to given into his sinful lust and go against the Lord’s will for him and his wife. Josh is the only one at fault here. We don’t hold the sins of the son against the parents …

    Reply
  33. TheBunches

    For many years I respected and learned from your family. This is no longer the case. This post makes it sound as if the whole cheating scandal with your son is Anna’s fault. WRONG, it’s his fault. He made the decision to act upon it. As it looks all over the web, it appears as if he is NOT sorry he has done this at all. I am not there so I am not trying to judge. However, instead of hiding, why don’t you all address this and clear the air of what’s going on. Is Josh really sorry? Are you really making Anna and the kids sleep in a closet, keeping her trapped on your compound? What about her? Let me also tell you if Josh has no remorse and if it is true he is rebelling against the rehab he was in, then you are dealing with far more than you may want to. How do the words demon oppression or possession hit? You should know all about that. If this is the case, then all the counseling in the world won’t help him. True repentance comes from the heart and if he’s not sorry then Anna should not be obliged, coerced, nor bullied into staying with a man who with these behaviors could eventually kill her by giving her AIDS or something. She (Anna) is NOT his sex slave. Marriage is a partnership and she’s to be his helpmate. God took and made Eve from Adams side, as to represent not to be over him nor be under his feet. If he (Josh) has no respect for her, of which by cheating he has clearly shown he doesn’t, then let her go. I pray mine &/or everyone elses suspicions are wrong and that he is truly sorry. That they are/will obtain counseling because they will need it. She needs your help now. How would you feel if it were JimBob who done this to you. Would you just smile? Would you just sweep your own feelings under the rug? Would you just say “oh, well, that’s just how men are” and take the blame on yourself? Co-dependence at it’s best. Gothard wasn’t right about everything. How would he know anyway? He was never married nor had children and he was accosting young women himself. That’s why he’s where he is in life now. That behavior from him is why ATI/IBLP is being sued by some of the women he was “inappropriate” with. We are not free of the consequences of our choices and if it’s true there is no remorse on Josh’s end of it, then he can deal with it. I pray Anna doesn’t become co-dependent on him. I pray she can take a class or something, stay close to God (of which I am sure she is), lean on those who truly love her and not want her to just be a robot and have no thoughts, feelings or opinions on nothing. I pray that she is not being coerced into “sucking” all this up and take the blame for herself. It is NOT her fault. Now Ms. Dillon is wanting to sue Josh? Seriously? How much more is Anna supposed to take? Again, address these issues. Speak out… Quit hiding… Better yet if you do speak out, don’t hide behind a bushel like you did on the interview with Megyn Kelly… Good grief….

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  34. patricia

    I cannot help but notice some really great advice beaming from the commenters here with regards to marriage and relationships in general. I am not overly religious, but a fan just the same. As a fan, I have seen people go to Michelle for family advice. Michelle, in my opinion, it is time that you humbly accept some of the advice that is being offered to you in these desperate times. Since your family problems came out last year, you are not very humble at all with regards to your followers and fans. Perhaps this is the core of why people are so upset. Via TV and excerpts, you are still trying to offer advice and blindly ignoring the advice others are trying to extend to you. Clearly, we see that something is broken, hence we are not able to take your seemingly kind words seriously. Please humble yourselves and show with your words that you are grateful to others for their help in your time of need, like you were there for them, in their times of hardship as well.

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  35. Amanda

    Hi Michelle, my name is Amanda, I live in England and I just want to say thank you for being such an inspiration to Christian wives. You and your family are so wonderful and it’s so great to see that there are still conservative Christians out there, who follow the bible as it is written. Me and my husband do as well, we have 3 young children and would love more, God willing. If there is anyone out there who doubts if there is a God, they should have a look at your family. That is a miracle, you’ve been so blessed. It’s nice (more than nice) to know that there are Christians like yourselves in this world, especially in our dark society with evil around every corner. I can’t even have Facebook or look at YouTube videos anymore because people are so far from God, it makes me so sad to see their hateful and just plain evil comments. But I will continue to read your website and hope to see more posts about your great advice, Michelle. May God continue to bless you and your wonderful family. Love, Amanda

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  36. Jennifer Rosa

    Hello Michelle, Thank you for posting this. I am a young mother and wife. I came from a very dysfunctional family, where I eventually ended up in foster care for 10 years. I cannot tell you how much it means for me and my husband to watch this show and see the light of your family shinning through; even through difficult times. I know it must be so difficult for all of you what has happened, but I have seen that even though you go through difficulties you guys all handle them with the wisdom of God. I don’t think it was inconsiderate of you to post this, because I am sure you posted this because you see the bigger picture. Josh is not your only son, you have other children that are in different stages of life and you have done incredibly well in giving them all attention in the very exiting times of their lives. I bet you probably posted this knowing that there are people that are not as fortunate as your daughters who can truly use this advise; like me, and I soo thank you. It was a pleasure to see Anna. I know that you guys stand by the victim and you guys are Godly and stand up for justice and righteousness, and I dont think you have influenced Anna’s desition to stand by her husband, Im sure this whole situation is grievious; specially because there are children involved. I am praying for Anna; I also pray as you guys are probably praying for Josh’s true repentance. I get it; none of us are truly righteous and he fell. May God give you all the strengh to stand and i cant wait to see his working hand… I also wanted to Glorify God, because at I saw Gods great faithfulness by exposing everything hidden to light, so that Josh might be saved. We all mess up greatly, but it was amazing to see that even though some people dont understand how a christian is still a sinner saved by grace, and the whole thing is used as an excuse for people to avoid christianity, God cared more about Josh’s salvation than protecting his own Good name. Wow, now that is something… For those who God loves he disciplines.. Hebrews 12. You see eventhough these times may not be fun for yall, these are the episodes where God has been able to be glorified the most. Because of foster care, I could feel Anna’s pain to the core, yet I have always put a wall for God when Im in pain, because I had to put many walls up troughout my childhood since I went from House to house… yet she taught me a big lesson, she was sincere, but extemely brave. Biblically we all know she has the right and permission to walk away or stay what ever she wants, but she choose to extend Gods grace. Anna is a beautiful Jewel. And you are too. I admire your work Michelle, and I pray and your show makes me ask God to please help me surrender my will so I can have his. No one said it was easy, but our God never dissapoints us. Please if you read this, tell Anna, that I truly appreciate the work she does for the lord, and I appreciate her advise. I know she must be like a roller coaster with lots of emotions….and I m not going to pedestal her to say she must be strong all the time… but please let her know that She really encouraged me in the midst of her brokeness, to cling to God and to walk day by day and ask for his grace when we need it the most./….. I hope that with the strengh of the lord you guys wont let the enemy intimidate you from shinning your light, just because Satan uses people to do what he does best ACCUSE yall and try to shame yall. May God give you discerment to STAnd on the day of evil (ephisians 6) and thank you for your beautiful light….. You know why satan hates the advise you give to others…. because it changes lives and minds like mine….

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  37. Angelica Marrone

    While reading this I can’t help but think…this is not entirely true and you are giving women false hope that this will 100% affair proof their marriages. There are a lot of people who can meet someone else’s husbands needs in many ways and many women will do this without any care or remorse. Not only that, I’m sorry but no marriage regardless of how much or how little physical intimacy may be present is cheat proof. Many friends of mine who have been cheated on had very happy and healthy intimate lives but they weren’t meeting their husbands “needs” in other ways they found out. This can come in the form of emotional support not just physical. This makes women look like if we want to keep our husbands happy and faithful we just use our bodies and be at our husbands beck and call. If a husband is going to be unfaithful he will be regardless of whatever he is or isn’t getting physically and that is a proven fact. Yes, we should be available to our husbands needs in all ways, but please don’t make this seem as though if you do this whenever your husband wants he still may not look elsewhere. Many men want their cake and to eat it too. Men have to want to be faithful and loving to their spouse and that is the bottom line.

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  38. bartlay

    For real How to get your ex lover back and be happy again, My Name is Bartley Whitley I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Indian in June last year on a business summit i meet a friend of mine called Mariana she introduce me to a man called Dr Shiva at [email protected] that he can help me get my lover back, Dr Shiva is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back your love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job am now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to back to Canada my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn’t believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help contact him today via his email address at: [email protected]

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  39. Anna Oakley

    Dearest Anna, I know this blog refers to Michelle’s advice to Jill, but I address you as this must be a hurtful post. The best advice on successful lovemaking was once told to me by a physician. Lovemaking – whether resulting in biological response such as orgasmn or children or not – is always successful when each is focused on the loving relationship between you and your lover. This means trust, protection, vulnerability, joy, rest, peace, happiness, all shared with your lover, in a setting that can be shared in sincerity. Focusing on the loving relationship is the success for sex equally, for both lovers. And it is the most precious gift as Song of Songs shows. And with this mindset, successful lovemaking even includes unsuccessful sex as a shared moment between lovers. I am devastated for your pain in such a situation, and the interview I saw there is so much betrayal seen in your face. Nothing is worse than betrayal in love, especially one so public as your own. I have been married for 13 years and homeschool 2 children. My husband and I have had immense struggle over many years – and through both of us having chronic illness and spiritual and financial difficulties we have always forgiven and worked forward. But in the case of infidelity – nothing is as bad as that, and that would be our struggle and breaking point, because if what lovemaking means to us. We both know this. Because it’s the best of ourselves we share only with each other. So I don’t understand your pain. When in my 20’s I knew everything, and now starting my 40’s I realize I know nothing. I now believe God says he hates divorce because he recognizes the immense pain. How could he not hate betrayal and divorce? Give yourself time to heal. And please don’t forget that sincerity is true when it has been tested. Even Jesus was tested in the desert. And that takes so much time. Protect your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Even from your husband – not for your children’s sake, but for yourself alone. Behavioural patterns and addictions that are long time entrenched in the brain take a tremendous amount of effort to undo. Praying for you that you might find freedom in love, and trust, not in “wifely duty.” Anna

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  40. ditesnightracht

    There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.Galatians 3:28

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  41. monica

    An amazing testimony of a powerful and genuine spell caster who brought my husband back to me,. i live in England, and I’m happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. { [email protected] }. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me for the past seven {8}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than as it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same and you can also reach Dr Adagba through his mobile number +2348115200304,if you are in any condition like this or you have any problem contact Dr Adagba ,{ [email protected] }, Thanks for reading .

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  42. KESHA

    Me & my boyfriend was planning to get married last month, just last week we had some argument that made him get angry on me just because of the argument, he said we will not be married again and the next day he left me and we broke up. I still loved him and I wanted him to marry me, for me to get him back i had no choice than to contacted [email protected] to help me and he helped me to bring my lover back to me so we can continue our plan to be married. he came back after 3 days

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  43. Janet Lester

    I find this to be useful advice for both those who are to be wed and those who are already married. I never had any advice or anyone telling me what to expect or not to expect, it was a day to day thing and I think if every couple was to hear this advice it would be very beneficial to the relationship. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you all.

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  44. Lucy

    My husband left in December and said he doesn’t love me anymore. That he wants a divorce. He was completely different 6-7 months ago. He lost a bunch of weight and I think started getting attention for it. He says I am a miserable person never happy. I am just tired from working and taking care of our 9 month old without any help from him. I just want my marriage to work, for him to love me again. I have been praying and praying .recently i was introduce to a Powerful Love spell caster who then helped me with a love spell and after 3 days of spell casted he came back on the forth day asking for my forgiveness, now my prayers to God and are answered using Priest Aziba to save my marriage, i am grateful. Contact the Love spell caster via Email> [email protected] and also on WhatsApp> +2348100368288 (1) LOTTERY SPELL (2) HERPES/HEPATITIS HERBAL CURE we still have Angels on earth.

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  45. Olivia Jayden

    HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL FROM DR Osasu My name is Olivia Jayden, I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I’m not going to see him again not until I met a lady called Jesse who told me about a spell caster called Dr. Osasu , She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 48hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 48hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I’m still surprise till now about this miracle,i couldn’t conceive but as soon as the spell was cast,i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child,if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via:email: [email protected] Or WhatsApp or call him now: +2347064365391 . Dr.Osasu also cures: 1. HIV / AIDS 2. HERPES 1/2 3. CANCER 4. ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) 5. Hepatitis B?

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